“Return to Sender”

I have had a number of conversations over the years related to wreturn_to_senderhy and how parents who adopt children then want to return the child when the child doesn’t behave as expected or doesn’t live up to the fantasy of the adoptive parents’ ideas of what the child should be like. If you do a Google search on this topic,  you can find a shocking number of stories related to it, with the story about the return of a Russian boy being the most known one currently.

It is appalling to me that this even goes through the minds of adoptive parents as an option for how to not deal with a child, who needs love, stability and support above all other things despite his/her possibly horrifying behavior. A person’s life is not to be shopped for, exchanged for a more preferred shape or size, nor returned for a refund. Period!

Earlier today, I had another conversation with a fellow adoptee on this topic and it has stayed with me throughout the day for more than just the lack of human decency factor (I know, this may stir up some debate, but that’s okay!).

Rather than rant on other people’s stories, though I would like to do that, I shall share my own.

This very thing happened to me and affected my life greatly. Although I think I came out alright in the end (still up for debate!), I wonder if someday I will have the opportunity to speak with my first adoptive family to find out what exactly they thought as they gave me up because I was not the child they expected to receive.

The story as I have read in my reports is that my first family expected to get a lovely, sweet and adoring baby girl from Korea. When I arrived in their arms, I was already over two-years-old.


On top of that, I was already stubborn (surprise! :P), speaking Korean and probably scared out of my wits being in a foreign country with different-looking adults, different food, different – well, EVERYTHING!

So, it really shouldn’t have been a surprise that I was not the ‘ideal’ daughter-to-be.

Still, for whatever reasons, the family decided to use the domestic Children’s Services Division to put me into temporary foster care to determine whether or not they would like to keep me. As if it wasn’t enough trauma already just being adopted internationally! Away I went to a very loving single foster mother, whom until very recently I had no recollection of (that’s another post to come!) for a few months. When my first family decided that they no longer wanted to keep me and my foster mother put in the paperwork to adopt me instead, they were given the power to say NO on the grounds that they couldn’t handle knowing where I had gone. So, in order to relieve their guilt, they used their power to prevent me from being happy and comfortable at that time to set me on a path that was full of abuse and further trauma.

To be fair, I know they never knew that was going to happen to me and I would like to believe that they would never has ‘wished’ that upon me.

However, little did they know that their selfish and immature, yes IMMATURE, actions would cause a great deal of unnecessary grief in a young girl’s life, who had already had to deal with a traumatic separation from her birth mother.

So, although now as an adult I can rationalize and intellectualize the whys and hows, I still do not believe that any child who has already had to deal with all the baggage that comes with being adopted should also have to be given the weight of threat or reality in being ‘returned to sender’. If a biological child turns out to be a psychopath, a parent does not have the luxury of getting out of the responsibility of raising the child. As an adoptive parent, that luxury should be even less of an option…in other words NOT AN OPTION!

If we’re going to go ahead and use terms like ‘forever families’ – which I don’t really agree with, but go with it for now – then let’s take that to heart! <3


– The Universal Asian

“Yours eats cheese?”

I have been wanting to share this story for a few months, but hadn’t yet come to terms with the reality of the exchange between an older, white British man and my boyfriend – a 40’s, Indian-colored, adopted, British man.

In November of last year, we were at a high-end Friday brunch, which are the most famous Friday past time in the UAE. While the locals spend Friday as their holy day with family and prayer, the expats indulge in everything the opposite of this day – that’s a whole other topic for discussion.

So, my bf and I were having a lovely time enjoying the endless flow of bubbles and each other’s company when we decided to hit the cheese table.



As I was considering which cheese to take, I overheard my bf talking to the older white man. They seemed to be having a good chat, then he came up to me and says:

“An Asian woman with a ravishing body AND eats cheese!”

WTF? My head spun, not quite sure that the bubbles hadn’t gone to my head so much that I was imagining things. Did I just hear him right?

My look of shock was mirrored by my bf’s look of disbelief from the conversation he had just had.

“Where’s yours from?”


“Your Asian. Mine’s from China.”

“She’s American.”

“Ah, that explains it. Mine won’t have anything to do with cheese.”

When my bf saw the man come up to me, he walked away out of fear of what I would say! hahahah! :D Me? Ravishing-bodied-Asian-who-eats-cheese say something out of order? :P

All I can say is that it’s a good thing that the bubbles had gone to my head and my response to the shocker was too slow to figure out what he even looked like let alone where he was sitting….

Instead, we had a laugh and I’ve saved it up for a post…The day was not to be ruined! ;)


The Universal Asian


Right, so when I started this blog, I had a very different idea of what I wanted it to be. My “About” page, which is a little hidden, reflects what I truly want this site to be about. My coaching training took it in a different direction for a period of time, but I think that I will be separating these a bit more with another eventual site to come for coaching. However, my reflections and stories posted here on TUA will contribute, inform and come through in my coaching with clients.

So, if you read stories and it resonates, then feel free to comment. If you want to start or continue on a journey of your own that might involve getting some coaching, then get in touch directly until my coaching site comes along (no currently planned date yet).

In the meantime, I’ll be returning to sharing some of my TUA moments and thoughts as I ride this crazy train called life! :D


-The Universal Asian

Awakening the Giant Within

Happy New Year from The Universal Asian! It’s time to get back into it and continue the journey of renewal and reflection.

It was necessary to take some time away to consider what this site is meant to be along with how I hope that readers will come to it and what they might take away from it. Having a blog like this is tricky, but I think TUA is ready!

Back in March of last year, I was just starting to get through Tony Robbins’ book _Awaken the Giant Within_, 180116 when I wrote about the issue of Pain or Pleasure. Well, I finally finished it a couple of months back and allowed the giant within to have a rest considering what may cause me pain or pleasure.

The Universal Asian.com gives me pleasure and if I help, entertain or cause even one person to pause a moment, then I feel as if all pain that may be involved is worth it. Going back to my life purpose – to be the spirit that inspires others to reach their full potential – I feel it’s time to truly awaken the giant and let the spirit soar.


So, here’s to a new year, a new me and a new you!



Action:  Are any of these part of your resolutions/goals for this year? Do you already feel as if reaching it/them is going to be a challenge? Why do it alone? Why not get a coach?! Contact me if you’d like to try it out or get more information.


-The Universal Asian

Why Get A Coach?

The idea of having a therapist has often been thought of as for “others”. It has been considered that those who are ‘crazy’ or ‘weak’ or ‘less than’ are the ones who need to see a counselor. It’s not for the ‘average’ person. Perhaps you have thought to yourself: Surely, I’m not that mentally off to need a therapist!


In order to combat this taboo and still recognize that sometimes people need a bit of help, the concept of “life coaching” came into the scene. Then, life coaches started proliferating to the point that just about anyone with a few hours of training can call themselves one. Now, it’s becoming nearly as taboo to have a life coach as it is to have a therapist, but for different reasons.

Well…just like any profession there are good ways and not-so-ideal ways of promoting it. What is important to do is to have a clear understanding of what it means to have a coach and consider the real benefits and reasons for getting one.

Consider this:  Have you thought about hiring a personal trainer? Do you attend a yoga or some kind of exercise class? Why? Aside from perhaps wanting a social interaction, the truth is that you could probably create your own work out routine without a trainer or once you had the basics of yoga moves, you could do it in your home. So, why hire or attend a class?

The same answer can be applied to having a coach. Let’s not use “life” with coach anymore.

Consider this:  What does a coach of a sports team do? How can these elements be applied to what you might need?finding_a_coach

Further consider:  Are there areas of your life that are less than ideal? Do you find yourself feeling like there is more for you, but you just don’t know what or how to obtain it? Would you like someone to help you find a better way?

The answers to these questions are what a coach can do for you. Sometimes just talking to family and friends is nimagesot enough. Coaches (especially co-active ones) are trained especially to provide you with tools and help in getting what you want out of your life. Coaches are available to support you and help you to achieve what is perceived as impossible. Coaches want you to find your inner you and to develop a way of life that focuses on your values and takes pride in who you are. With their help to re-learning how to be who you are, you will find everything is possible.

So, maybe it is time to shake off those taboos and thoughts that you aren’t the type to need help. We all need help, it just a matter of how we understand what that means. :D

-The Universal Asian

If Asians Said…

…the stuff that white people say…

Is it being overly sensitive to find comments like this stupid or meaningless? Perhaps, but the reality is that it is common for people of a different ethnicity to make stereotypical comments about another ethnicity – whether white to asians or asians to blacks or blacks to hispanics and so on. (Yes, the lack of capital letters is intentional!)

The fact is that although the world may be more accessible than it ever has been, there are still areas to improve our view of the people in it. While we may like to blame the dominant ‘white’ culture for perpetuating these stereotypes as shown in the somewhat funny clip here, we should realistically take a look at ourselves and consider where we do this to others regardless of the color of our or their skin.

No matter where we go or how far we advance, the changes and awareness need to come from within ourselves as individuals to really see the changes that we desire in the world.

-The Universal Asian


Co-Active-Model-ImageI have recently completed my courses to become a qualified Co-Active coach, which was truly an amazing and challenging journey.

A friend’s aunt introduced me to a life coach late last year. It was a time when I knew that I needed some help in getting my life on the right track as I felt a bit as if I was floundering. This coach was in LA and so we did our sessions on Skype. Although I did not always agree with her style, she helped me to see the value of coaching over therapy. Coaching is definitely much more proactive in making changes in your life through your own awareness. In a short time, my life began to change.

Another friend of mine began taking these workshops in Dubai and I decided to give it a go myself. So, I started the workshops in January, but then took some time to finish due to our vacations.

The people that I met are beautiful and truly amazing. We shared a great deal together and I believe our friendships will last. Although there were times when I felt a bit like an acolyte or as if I was being sold on a business scheme, overall I do believe in the power of coaching. We do not call this life-coaching, but co-active coaching. Read from the link above about what that means.

On the last day, we were asked to write a story about our journey along with having structures for the voices/energies that we need to draw upon within ourselves to help us go forward. So, I have combined them in the document below.


I hope you will be inspired by my journey and if you want to know more or try out a coaching session for you or someone you know, just send me a message.

More to come,

-The Universal Asian